Since this is the beginning of a new year I feel it has to be a beginning of a new me. For those who don't know me I am a 39 yr old mother of 4 boys. My oldest son Matt is 19 and is in the Army Reserves. He is at home at the present time and I am hoping to keep him here. I have another son Mike who is 16 and is a avid football player and is in 10th grade in school. Next in line is my son Mitch who is 15 and is in 9th grade in school and is more interested in working and his animals at home then in school. Last in my line of boys is Marshall who is 13 and loves sports and is in 7th grade in school. One thing all my boys have in common with my husband Dale ( who I have been married to for 19 years now) and I is our love for horses. I have had horses since I was born and when I married I would not go for anything less then having at least one horse on the place. Well after 19 years of marriage and many many horses that have came and went through our lives we have right now settled on the present 7 we have.
2007 and 2008 I really feel now were growing years for me. In November of 2006 my dad got sick and in Jan of 2007 found out he had cancer. We were told it was terminal and it seems since then my life has never been the same. December 29th of 2006 while my dad was fighting for his life in the hospital my aunt (my mothers sister) was found deceased in her apartment. March 26th 2007 my dad lost his battle with cancer. It was so hard losing my dad and it sent me into a downward spiral. In June of 2007 I thought I needed to get back to doing what I loved most to try to bring myself out of this depression and so I began working on a 3 yr old filly we owned. Well on June 17th I was out working on this filly and had just gotten on and she had other ideas and I ended up in the hospital with a shatterd wrist and bruised body. I had a Doctor that didn't really do his job and ended up in a cast from my wrist to my shoulder for 5 weeks. During this time I also got a inner ear infection. Now if you have never had one of those I would not wish them on my worst enemy. It took me 3 weeks to be able to walk normal and not fall over from dizziness. In July of 2007 I lost a cousin to a terrible accident. He was just starting college and was riding in a pickup and fell off backwards hitting his head and was killed instantly. So with the ear infection, passing of family members, and my broken wrist it all sent me downward into a deeper depression. I then found my wrist was not healing properly and so had to have surgery on it. So on July 29th of 07 I underwent surgery to put my wrist back together again. I did not get full use of my wrist until December of 2007, only to find that I will never have full function of it again.
So in this time I sunk down even deeper. Now come into the picture of 2008. I just spent most of my time depressed and not doing much of anything. My horses were not getting ridden and my butt was getting bigger (along with the rest of me). In May Matt graduated high school and on May 20th he left for the Army. I can tell you I spent many a day crying and missing him so much. We didn't get to hear from him much and when we did he just seemed like he was just reaching out for help and was so sad. That really took it's toll on me. Then in July of 2008 my mom started having heart problems. So we moved my mother into our home with us. I just felt it would be so much easier to help her with her here and not so far away.
I burried myself into my work at Head Start and into my college classes and did so that much so that I felt, I wasted most of my year of 2008. We did go to Kentucky to see Matt graduate boot camp and then he was off to Maryland for his AIT training.
Now I am sitting here at 12:30 am in the dark of night and I think to myself. I am going to make a change. No more feeling sorry for me in 2009. I am going to lose my weight, get going on my horses again and have fun. God gave me this life and I will not wast it any longer feeling sorry for myself. I want to finish college and get my degree, I want to get my new horse going on barrels again and start running again, I want to start working on my house and get it fixed up and I want to live! I want to not waste a precious second on feeling sorry for myself and being depressed. I am hoping to keep a blog going on my progress with my barrel horse and my young colt I am working on.
It really felt good to just sit down here and write all this down. It is almost like taking that weight off my shoulders.
God Bless and see ya on the trails!
2007 and 2008 I really feel now were growing years for me. In November of 2006 my dad got sick and in Jan of 2007 found out he had cancer. We were told it was terminal and it seems since then my life has never been the same. December 29th of 2006 while my dad was fighting for his life in the hospital my aunt (my mothers sister) was found deceased in her apartment. March 26th 2007 my dad lost his battle with cancer. It was so hard losing my dad and it sent me into a downward spiral. In June of 2007 I thought I needed to get back to doing what I loved most to try to bring myself out of this depression and so I began working on a 3 yr old filly we owned. Well on June 17th I was out working on this filly and had just gotten on and she had other ideas and I ended up in the hospital with a shatterd wrist and bruised body. I had a Doctor that didn't really do his job and ended up in a cast from my wrist to my shoulder for 5 weeks. During this time I also got a inner ear infection. Now if you have never had one of those I would not wish them on my worst enemy. It took me 3 weeks to be able to walk normal and not fall over from dizziness. In July of 2007 I lost a cousin to a terrible accident. He was just starting college and was riding in a pickup and fell off backwards hitting his head and was killed instantly. So with the ear infection, passing of family members, and my broken wrist it all sent me downward into a deeper depression. I then found my wrist was not healing properly and so had to have surgery on it. So on July 29th of 07 I underwent surgery to put my wrist back together again. I did not get full use of my wrist until December of 2007, only to find that I will never have full function of it again.
So in this time I sunk down even deeper. Now come into the picture of 2008. I just spent most of my time depressed and not doing much of anything. My horses were not getting ridden and my butt was getting bigger (along with the rest of me). In May Matt graduated high school and on May 20th he left for the Army. I can tell you I spent many a day crying and missing him so much. We didn't get to hear from him much and when we did he just seemed like he was just reaching out for help and was so sad. That really took it's toll on me. Then in July of 2008 my mom started having heart problems. So we moved my mother into our home with us. I just felt it would be so much easier to help her with her here and not so far away.
I burried myself into my work at Head Start and into my college classes and did so that much so that I felt, I wasted most of my year of 2008. We did go to Kentucky to see Matt graduate boot camp and then he was off to Maryland for his AIT training.
Now I am sitting here at 12:30 am in the dark of night and I think to myself. I am going to make a change. No more feeling sorry for me in 2009. I am going to lose my weight, get going on my horses again and have fun. God gave me this life and I will not wast it any longer feeling sorry for myself. I want to finish college and get my degree, I want to get my new horse going on barrels again and start running again, I want to start working on my house and get it fixed up and I want to live! I want to not waste a precious second on feeling sorry for myself and being depressed. I am hoping to keep a blog going on my progress with my barrel horse and my young colt I am working on.
It really felt good to just sit down here and write all this down. It is almost like taking that weight off my shoulders.
God Bless and see ya on the trails!
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment